My favorite author, Matt Levine, uses that technique all the time in his writing. He writes about financial topics, an industry dominated by men. It is his way of saying women are capable of anything in the financial field men are, and I enjoy the technique.
But here is the thing, you only use it to refer to those you are putting down. You never use the technique otherwise. It makes it impossible not to notice the correlation between calling someone ma'am and putting them down. The correlation between negativity and your use of a female title is perfect, I think. That is why it has the opposite effect of the one you claim.